You know you're a parent when...

I'm going to type this whole post in 45 seconds flat, I swear it, because my baby is crying his little cheeks off and refusing to nap because he's decided to deprive me of my ONE 45-minute slot of alone-time in the entire week. Well, this is my first time sitting down since 6am so I'm taking it. Zombie-like and irritated as I may be.

You know you have 2 young kids when you are fiiinnnnaaallllyy walking out the door to leave the house and your 6-month old spews onto your 3 year old's head (not loads, just like, a seagull-poop size splat of goopey milk?) and you half-heartedly dab at it with a tissue and say "Oh, it's ok honey, it's nothing!" and she's like "ok mama" and then when you get home that night your husband's all "Why does she smell like vomit?" . She was going to have a shower later that night anyway, guys! No big deal, no big deal...

And you know you have a boy baby when literally all the boy clothes you own are striped. So you dress him in stripey pants, with a stripey bodysuit, stripey hat, stripey bib, and top it all off with a zigzag blanket just to be fresh.

Or when you have a constant smear on your left shoulder that smells of bad breath because it's literally the remnants of your baby's first foods which he miraculously stores in his mouth long after you have wiped his face and cleared the dishes (kidding, who does that?) and then dribbles onto your shoulder just as soon as you have put a clean top on.

Or when you spend so much time cooking (I'd rather do pretty much ANYTHING else) that your freshly washed hair and clean clothes smell like fried eggs and potatoes before you have even walked out the door in the morning.

Or when you spend 10 minutes writing a blog post that you weren't planning to.

And another thing that I forgot because my brain is elsewhere, anywhere, everywhere? Maybe I'll be back later if I remember?


Unrelated, this blog just shared my pregnancy post along with a bunch of other success stories.

Now I need to run down the hallway and rescue my persistent baby from the confines of his cot. 


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