A christmassy day in the [real] life: toddler + pregnant edition.

I can't be the only one who feels suddenly overwhelmed at this time of year. I LOVE Christmas - baking, decorating, getting organised and giving gifts... those are all my favourite things. But it's still 3 days away and I can't believe I'm saying this but.... I'm ready for it to be done so we can all move on. 

Traffic jams, crowded malls, a zillion different end of year events (most of which require you to bring food or gifts), AND the beginning of our summer holidays, booking accommodation and planning road trips with toddlers.... it all gets crazy. Not to mention being pregnant which makes me often feel faint or sore or just plain exhausted.... and toilet training a 2.5 yr old which in essence means, I spend my days trying to convince her to sit on the potty and try to get something out because I KNOW that at any minute it's going to come out anyway and it won't be pretty.... followed by the ensuing debate with a toddler about how pretending to sit on the potty for 0.000001 milli-seconds and then jumping up and yelling"it's not working! the wees is not working" and running stark naked down the hallway to deposit said wees onto the carpet or dining room floor is not a very good strategy... and listening to myself saying things that now seem so normal but surely are weird to the average person like "Just do some good waiting and then do a little push and maybe the poo will come out and you can get a special treat"..... So yeah, Christmas may be the big thing we're all looking towards but I'm just spending my days with a spray bottle of dettol, throwing old towesl over suspicious puddles, trying to convince myself that when my toddler points out a brown stain on our cream dining room chair and announces "Dat's POO mummy!" that surely it's not poo. Surely there's not actually poo on my dining room chair. I'm sure it's chocolate. OH PLEASE CAN IT BE CHOCOLATE.

[Literally she is sitting on a pee puddle]

I feel like a good blogger would write a post about their Christmas decor and show how brilliantly festive their house is but like, would you even notice our "Christmas Decor" (aka fake tree) over all the Duplo, upturned toy baskets and mountains of couch cushions that have been stacked up to make a "slide" off the sofa? I keep thinking there must be some secret to keeping your house clean all the time because everybody else does but holy cheeseballs, I've tried everything and there is literally no solution except me bending down and then straightening back up 600 times a day to pick stuff up off the floor. And I know I've mentioned this before but heartburn/pregnancy reflux is no joke - and aside from not being able to physically squish my bump in enough to double over, and having basically no thigh muscles whatsoever - stomach acid bubbling up my throat and gagging me every time I lean forward is just not ideal. I dream of having a giant wireless vaccuum that sucks up toys and then organises them into boxes. Not unrealistic at all....

[Token picture of peppermint creams that I made yesterday because I am a slave to punishment and must make ALL THE THINGS at Christmas-time like a 50's housewife but one who is really, really tired and should just have not bothered]

Today was my last day of Christmas baking weeehoooo and I THINK it was also my last time venturing into a shop before Christmas to buy a present. At least until Christmas eve when I need to get fresh strawberries for Christmas dessert... along with every other person who lives in New Zealand. See you in the supermarket queues on the 24th, Kiwi friends.

Last year I made most of our gifts from scratch and whilst it was a bit stressful/intense it was actually also quite relaxing because I got to avoid shops altogether! I don't think I even ventured into the mall once. After all the money we've already spent on Christmas this year, I think I'm definitely going to consider making gifts again next year. Or coming up with some kind of strict budget that spreads the costs out over several months. I think having Christmas in the middle of Summer doesn't help because you end up spending so much money in January on your summer accommodation etc too.

Ugh, like, am I ever going to make a point or is this blog post truly going to be nothing more than rambles? I'm really, really tired so, rambles sounds about as complex as I can get right now. What was my point? Was there a point? Christmas is stressful? Probably that. Life with a toddler and a baby-in-the-belly is a whole new level of messy.

[Unrelated picture from my grandma's funeral a couple weeks ago, because I feel guilty for all this complaining and I do LOVE THEM, honest.]

Did I tell you about our guest room that is literally buried in gifts and wrapping paper and potential-nursery-crafts in case I ever get enough energy to do some proper nesting? Or how I can't use either of our laundry baskets right now as they have been used to dump paperwork in, in the hopes that one day my husband will be un-busy enough to sort through some of it, just so that I can partially clear the dining room table so we can eat there? And that those laundry baskets full of paperwork are sitting on our bedroom floor and every time I place a lovely pile of clean, folded, freshly done laundry on my husband's side of the bed for him to put away, he simply dumps it on top of the laundry basket that's full of paperwork and now there is a mountain of clean and/or possibly not clean clothing on top of a mountain or miscellaneous written correspondence?? And it's threatening to topple on top of whatever other random items the toddler has left in our room (husband's bedside table is piled with stories about Tinkerbell and 'That's not my puppy" that I suspect weren't actually his choice of reading material). Or how out of our 8 dining chairs, only THREE have survived to sit at our ginormous table because the rest have ripped or horribly stained upholstery so we've shoved them out of sight into other rooms or under the house? Make that two because one apparently has POO ON IT. 

I knew mum-life would be glamorous but I didn't know it would be this glamorous.
[Hey baby boy MacLeod, hope you're enjoying the zen of my womb while you still can...]

Well, I'd love to stay and chat about absolutely nothing but I have a towel on the dining room floor that has been soaking up pee all day and I SUPPOSE I should pick it up and then get disinfectant and then go downstairs and get some hot water and a mop and then drag my pregnant butt back upstairs with the bucket sloshing on my socks and mop that mess up, but not until after vaccuuming as there are crumbs everywhere that should be dealt with before mopping. OR I could just spritz some dettol on the floor and half-heartedly dab at it with a paper towel and call it a day. You'll never know.


Little household hacks I need

A boring blog post about things I wish didn't excite me so much but could seriously make my housewife life way more efficient.

1. This divided laundry basket for carrying clean clothes after they are dry. We use a basket like the plastic one shown, but that secret fabric divider thing is genius! Instead of biffing all of your clean washing into the basket, carrying it upstairs, dumping it on the couch, folding a bajillion items of clothing into piles to go to different people's rooms.... you just fold as you take off the washing line and plonk each person's clothes into their section. I just wish it divided into 3 equal parts (or that the divider was moveable).
It has other functions too and was designed by a mum, like every other sensible thing that was ever designed. (OK I'm speculating). See more about it here.

2. A dirty-clothes hamper in each bedroom.
We have one single laundry hamper upstairs in the hallway that we all hurl our dirty clothes in the direction of, and usually miss. When people are coming round I spend about 5 minutes frantically picking socks and t-shirts off the surrounding floor in a 5 metre radius and then putting the lid on the hamper to hide our stinky mess. To be honest, the bending down and picking up routine is what I hate the most. At 6 months pregnant I find every time I bend over - apart from mere squished-belly discomfort - I end up sicking up stomach contents into my mouth. GOOD TIMES.

Part of me rebels against this idea because I'm like "MORE belongings???????!" but all I would have to do is add a basket to Ella's room, and another for the new baby when he comes.
Not this boring colour, but maybe something like this (from The Warehouse) with handles so I can hang it on a hook by their door and not sick into my mouth from bending down to pick it up?

 3. A triple laundry sorter in the laundry
So you get the dirty clothes baskets from the bedrooms, carry them down to the laundry and then, instead of dumping the contents onto the floor (like me) to sort them into piles, you actually sort them straight into this contraption and then they're all ready to go. And you don't have to sick into your mouth while you do it. Win.
Laundry Sorter with 3 Removable Bags
This is from Kmart Australia. I wonder if they have them in NZ? And will they ever start listing their products online, or is New Zealand destined to go without decent online shopping for all eternity?

4. A rubbish bin in our bathroom. 
Sounds obvious, but empty toothpaste tubes etc just end up lingering forEVS in our house because everyone is too lazy to take them into another room and throw them away. And that's just another clean-up job to add to my list every time guests are popping in.

5. Some kind of paperwork system
We've shifted 90% of our files to the cloud recently so the whole "file this into a manilla folder and call it a day" isn't happening. We don't even need (or have) a filing cabinet anymore. But we have a dining room table... covered in piles of things that need to be dealt with constantly. And it's crap, because I would like to use the table for eating at, and be able to wipe up crumbs without dissolving documents.
Related image
Something like this on the wall? Since we have NO free surface areas. I just need to find where they can be purchased in New Zealand?!

6. Get this system for wrapping paper, on the back of a wardrobe door
All our wardrobe doors are sliding ones but there is ONE door in our house where this might work.
Currently we have a corner of a wardrobe where wrapping paper and gift bags go to die / get crumpled up and buried under shoes until needed.
Image result for wrapping paper on back of door
I vant it. All.

7. Training the toddler to stop biffing everything on the floor the instant she's not using it. 
I CAN follow her around barking repetitively about every single thing that she just dropped the second she was bored of it, but if you have a toddler you know how painfully slow that process is. Urg.

8. Get a housekeeper :D
Now, I'm not fussy, but I just want someone who can clean every single corner of our home once a week and also organise all the crap they find and also put away every stray item of clothing into it's correct place and perhaps do a few loads of laundry and cook dinner while they create a meal plan for the following week and arrange for delivery of our grocery shopping and mow our treacherous lawn/s. And not be creepy or nosy. Shouldn't be hard to find the perfect person, I'm sure. #budgetistwentybuckspermonth #goodlucktome

Image result for mrs doubtfire
You'll do.