Four weeks ago, I got the surprise of my life on a lovely Sunday afternoon. 
[Heart smashed]

So many things about his birth, and the following days were magical and I don't think I have another word for it. Those couple of days after his birth were a golden bubble and a high that I'll always be glad for.
I LOVED being home with my newborn after only one night at hospital. I loved having a short labour and I loved the way all my sudden rush of nesting in those last days was meant-to-be because little did I know he was showing up early. I loved having it all done and over at a godly hour (3.25pm on a Sunday). I loved the miraculous chain of events that led us to that moment even when there were so many things that could have gone wrong. I loved that Calum happened to be with me, that Ella happened to be with her grandparents, that her cousin was there distracting her, that there was no traffic. I am still in AWE that the only reason we went in to hospital was because I hadn't been feeling many movements so I texted the midwife, and she suggested some monitoring in hospital. I love that he was born naturally and unexpectedly 2 hours after we started monitoring. I love that because we were already there, I got to actually experience labouring in the birthing suite and use the tub and all the things I didn't get time for with Ella. I loved my midwife. I loved Calum taking control of the situation and marching us down the hall to a birthing suite even tho we'd been asked to walk around in the hallway for another hour. I love that I didn't give birth in the car :D

 There are not many events in my life that I can look back on and see just how clearly they were orchestrated by an invisible Hand, but this was one of them.

Life since then has been challenging in so many ways. The golden bubble well and truly popped after I got repeated blocked ducts and mastitis, after my son started doing a few concerning things with feeding including in the past few days pulling off and screaming similar to how Ella started acting before she completely rejected the boob. I'm constantly recalibrating my mind so I don't panic (but sometimes I do) and I am constantly praying, thanking God for all of this, and asking him to keep my hope alive.

So here he is - 4 weeks after his arrival to this world I'm finally blogging about it - our little Joshua "God saves".

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