A Day in the Life

Oh you want to know every boring detail of a day in the life of a one-year-old's mum? Who stays at home and has basically nothing to show for herself except a happy child who is still alive despite various accidents and incidents that scared the pants of both of us over the past year? You want a peep into this magical world of glamour and child-rearing? You want to see our kitchen floor covered in gremlins that literally stick to your socks every single time you head for the fridge and then get smeared in the carpet later? To smell my sub-par cooking that gets thrown on the floor and mashed into my child's hair (by her) even when I spent like 30 precious minutes cooking it and now I have to throw it all out? And then do all the dishes again and clean the floor again and change her outfit again and wash her face and hair again? And then do it all again several times throughout the day and then go to sleep and then wake up and do it all again the next day too?

Ok since you asked.

7am - Baby wake up call. Now, I'm fully aware that 7am is like blissful luxury sleep-in'o'clock to most parents and that at some point reallly soon my child is going to start getting up at 6 or 5.30. Which is why I have no inclination to get up at 6am for some 'alone time' before she starts sqawuking. I know it would feel really nice to be dressed and showered before the crazy starts, but without that hour of sleep I would be even less productive than I currently am and probably spend all day after 3pm crying for no reason. (I only do that after 8pm now. Wink wink)

7.15 - I actually get up and if I'm really onto it I will go to the toilet before releasing the little monkey from her cage because the moment she is in my sleepy arms, she demands my full attention and seeing me sneaking away down the hallway to go pee is quite offensive to her. She knows who's boss and it's not me.

7.20 - I start making her porridge (also called oatmeal by some strange countries ;)) with raisins and then leave it to cool. For some reason she loves eating this stuff. I make myself a coffee at the same time even tho I don't really feel like it, it makes me feel like I'm still doing something for myself that's like a little luxury. Granted I won't get to drink it because my minion will be all over me trying to grab it and potentially burn herself so it's not THAT enjoyable but I do it anyway.

7.40 - After watching her trying to feed herself porridge with a spoon that she can't actually get any food onto while I try to help and cheer her on if any gets into her mouth, then perform the torture known as wiping her face, we play. Well, to be honest I often sit on the couch chugging cold coffee while she crawls around bringing over random objects to show me, giggling hysterically like she is so chuffed with herself for helping mummy by showing her her shoe! Look mummy I'm opening your purse! What's this thing in a wrapper? *unwraps tampon*. Oh thanks honey for finding that for mummy NOTE TO SELF do not let her play with my purse in public.

{Except usually we are wearing trackpants and dirty cardigans during this scenario}

9am-ish. Somehow we have made it to 9am and I'm still in my pajamas still sitting on the couch still thinking about whether I should have another coffee. I always decide not to, because I'll wait for the little miss to be asleep. This makes me really anxious for her to go down for a nap.

9.30 - nap time! Yay! It's earlier than a lot of other babies I know and I love that. We go through the whole nap routine which is VERY specific to the point that my wee sausage won't drink from her bottle unless we are reading a book from her collection of books that she likes to read before sleeping. She will literally slap the bottle onto the floor unless I have the right book in position. We do this book routine with her wearing her sleep sack which is stupid because she tends to dribble milk onto the merino and that's such a pain to wash and makes it go yellow. #mummyfail

9.30-11am - naptime! I finally have a shower, get dressed, get a decent coffee that I can sit down to drink, and start to tackle the dishes from last night, the porridge dried onto the highchair and the surrounding floor... maybe put some washing on... tidy away the bombsite of toys from the last 2 hours so I can sit on the couch and not feel like I'm going to cripple myself if I try to walk away. And then I make plans for what I will do with this glorious naptime and open my computer and sit down and then she wakes up. 

11-1.30 - Two and half hours of the same thing as before. Only this time it's lunch instead of breakfast which is actually more stressful because I have to cook something nutritious and create more dishes and more food mess. But USUALLY we will go out during this time. Also known as The Window because all our activities must happen now. Sometimes it's a coffee catchup, or going to Baby Gym (which is just a room full of obstacles and tunnels and slides for babies), or just going to the supermarket once again. Which is not my favourite at all and I feel like I am there so often it's actually got to awkward levels with the cashiers.

{Getting a workout at baby gym by lying perfectly still for 10 minutes whilst licking plastic balls that have no doubt been urinated on by other children}
1.30-3pm - nap time again. Yay! I spend this one doing more of the same. Cleaning up the lunch dishes, on my hands and knees wiping the floor again, scraping dried food off things, hanging washing that will take 4 days to dry, etc. And then when I think I have a moment to sit down, I remember the dreaded task of DINNER. yeuch. Seriously. I have already made 2 meals today (have I eaten, myself? I don't remember. Maybe just another coffee will do. Oh wait I ate the crusts from her toasted sanwiches and then I ate the sandwich off the floor when she biffed it. And I enjoyed it.)... do I really have to cook AGAIN? And make more dishes again? And wash the pots and pans again? 

At this point I remember I haven't gotten any meat out to defrost so we're already on the back foot for dinner. I think of all the mediocre meals I could make with cans of beans and frozen peas... there must be something??

3pm - seemingly years away: Playtime with baby. Playtime and desperate glances at the clock to see when Daddy is coming home because these 4 walls and this attention-demanding little cutiepie are getting quite tiring. It's basically already getting dark (winter) and too cold to go on a walk. I try to create some excitement over the same old toys and secretly hope I won't have to read all the books again as we've done that twice today already... and each book must be repeated at least twice.

5ish - We are literally waiting at the stairs something when Cal gets home. I create a lot of enthusiasm for this event by banging on the stair gate with Ella and chanting "Dad-dy, Dad-dy!" when we hear him getting out of the car. A celebrity welcome every time... And then suddenly he's here and I am like GREAT well you just watch her for the next 2 hours while I do all the other things I haven't been able to do all day such as check if the washing is still damp (it is) and try to force some meat to defrost in the microwave (it cooks) and do a super quick food and toy cleanup because crackers have been crumbled all over the carpet and couch in the last hour but I like to try to maintain this image of the perfect household even tho he and I both know it's filthy 98% of the time and there is no point cleaning because it stays clean for exactly 0.1 seconds before our small human tornado blows in.

5.30-7pm - Cooking dinner, eating dinner, cleaning up from dinner. Followed immediately by: preparing milk, running bath, giving bath, cleaning toys from bath, and dressing baby after bath. Then we sit down and do story-time AGAIN with very specific books and this is the 3rd time I have done the rather long bedtime routine today. Which is why it's so distressing if she doesn't go to sleep and I have to get her up, feed her again, check a dozen other things (nappy, temperature, hunger etc) and then go through the bedtime routine once more. The shortened version, anyway, depending how difficult it is to get her to sleep...

7pm - Sleepytime, if it's a good day. And then there is somehow still a kitchen  FULL of mess and dishes to clean and a living room absolutely covered in food mash and toys and grubby clothes. Somehow, attacking these things is the last thing I want to do and I just ignore it until morning. I feel like I have been doing the same things all day and have nothing physical to show for it. I spent all my free time cleaning and making food and guess what, nothing is clean and chances are there is no food to snack on. At this point I am tired and lying on the couch watching Homeland is about the peak of my existance. Such a luxury. And then eventually we go to bed, and wake up to do this day over again.

A day in the life. I wouldn't change it.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Thanks for your comment. You are awesome!